Queerness poses a special problem in the office because it’s about more than just being different. It stands as a disruption to a complacent "normal" that’s all too filled with sexist, racist or classist underpinnings. The corporate workplace seems to be predicated on a uniformity of style and sense of productivity. Does success in that corporate realm come at the expense of queerness?
Read MoreHow Have I Survived this Long on Planet Earth?
You’re gone, which is fine. After I dropped you at the airport on Sunday I went home. I felt pretty proud of myself for hanging up all of those fancy prints and artwork we’ve collected over the past few years. It sorta felt like I was my mom up there, standing on your recliner with a hammer. I had chicken in the crockpot. It was nice.
Read MoreMaking Mermaids: The Beautiful Politics of Bath Time
Taking a bath is something that most women don’t do often enough. I’m not talking about getting clean, I’m talking about taking the time to draw yourself a bath. As little girls, we’re always taking baths, but when we get older, we start to see bathing as a superfluous thing.
Read More
Becoming A Caretaker: An Imperfect (But Not Entirely Terrible) Guide
The Scary Connection Between Donald Trump & Macbeth
As the Trump campaign’s self-implosion continues, and the candidate increasingly lashes out, many have pointed to historical parallels: Hitler in the bunker, Nixon at the height of Watergate. But for me, the figure who comes to mind is not a politician but a literary character: Shakespeare’s Macbeth. Macbeth, whose “vaulting ambition” led to murder, civil war, and his own eventual destruction. Now I’m not saying that Trump has murdered anyone (Don’t sue me, Donald!), but the parallels are there.
Read MoreHow I'm Navigating 'Being American' as an Immigrant & Mom
The USA vs. Netherlands women’s soccer friendly is about to kick off. We are at the Georgia Dome in Atlanta, seated close enough to discern the revved up expressions of the players on the field. It is the first time my 10-year-old daughter, a soccer player, and I, the quintessential soccer mom, are watching a pro team up close.
Read More‘Nowhere To Grow But Up’: The Educational Funnel
When we’re young, we can say things like, “I want to be an astronaut and a rock star” or “I want to be president one day, but also a princess.” And we can get away with it. We can get away with these extravagant ambitions because, starting out on our journey, we are encouraged to explore, to be curious, and to be everything that we can be.
Read MoreI Used To Be A Judgmental Elitist (Overcoming Snob Behavior)
It is really astounding how many self-proclaimed “open minded” people are actually closed off vicious judgmental creatures. It’s hilarious, actually. Then again, my main mode of handling sad stuff is via laughter, so there we have it.
Read MoreSee Which The Cure Song Fits Your Zodiac Sign
I started to think about Cure songs that correspond with zodiac signs, and came up with a list below
Read MoreWitchy World Roundup - July 2016
Joanna C. Valente is a human who lives in Brooklyn, New York. She is the author of Sirs & Madams (Aldrich Press, 2014), The Gods Are Dead (Deadly Chaps Press, 2015), Marys of the Sea (forthcoming 2016, ELJ Publications) & Xenos (forthcoming 2017, Agape Editions). She received her MFA in writing at Sarah Lawrence College. She is also the founder of Yes, Poetry, as well as the managing editor for Luna Luna Magazine. Some of her writing has appeared in Prelude, The Atlas Review, The Huffington Post, Columbia Journal, and elsewhere. She has lead workshops at Brooklyn Poets.
Read More#BlackLivesMatter – Resources, Donation Links & Required Reading
BY LISA MARIE BASILE
We have no right words here, but we know we want to help. We're filled with anger, sadness and – instead of what should be shock – exhaustion. We stand as allies.
It's hard to watch our friends hurting, watch people sobbing in videos, watching bodies dying. It's hard to watch people (our families or friends sometimes!) post things like #AllLivesMatter. It's hard to see white people staying quiet.
It doesn't always feel obvious to people to do something. To take action. It can be stunning, frightening and hard to know what to say. That's OK sometimes, but you've seen too much to stay quiet now. Speaking out, watching the videos, engaging in the truth, and educating ourselves on the issue of police brutality is necessary.
As allies, we need to inform others and try to dismantle a system that feeds on ignorance and hatred. There are things we can do. Staying silent is worse than anything and listening to the black community at this time is the most accountable thing we can do. Listen. Listen. And then tell others in your community why #BlackLivesMatter and why they need to listen and speak out too. Tell others about institutionalized racism. Explain. Take a teaching moment and educate another human being.
You can talk to your parents, friends, spouses, neighbors and strangers and tell them police brutality is NOT acceptable. Racism is NOT acceptable. Inform people. Be outraged. Don't accept ignorant comments. Block people who spread hate on your social networks. Share words by people of color.
TAKE ACTION.
You can also Join Campaign Zero, join Ijeoma Oluo's The Accountability Project. Join a #BlackLivesMatter chapter. You can also write to your mayor, call your police station, write to your city council members (here's NY, but you can find anything by searching online "city council + city") and demand police brutality reform. You can ask what they're doing about this. This is something you CAN do.
DONATE.
Go Fund Me: Philando Castile's family
Go Fund Me: Alton Sterling's family
EDUCATE.
There has been a lot of education happening, and we wanted to share with you what we have been reading in the past few days.
I Need Justice, I Need Peace: A QTPOC Roundtable
Alton Sterling and When Black Lives Stop Mattering
5 Facts That Will Absolutely Infuriate You About Police and Racist Violence
This is what white people can do to support #BlackLivesMatter
Advice for White Folks in the Wake of the Police Murder of a Black Person
What You Can Do Right Now About Police Brutality
We Can Help Each Other Cope: One Simple Way to Be With Each Other Through Pain Right Now
Rape, Alton Sterling, And The Complexity Of Justice
POC Solidarity In Love: How To Support Our Black Partners and Friends In These Trying Times
My Doppelgramma
I met my ex-husband’s grandmother when she was still quite the vital old lady. She drove her own car at eighty, even though she could barely see over the dash. A serious devout Catholic, Grandma Marge had a mind of her own and never a hair out of place. I thought for sure she would hate me and send my Pagan Jewish butt right back to the West Village. After all, I was engaged to her GODSON. His confirmation pictures greeted me as I walked into her foyer, right next to the huge crucifix. Christ looked as petrified and wary as I felt on that first meeting.
Read MoreHow My 85-Year-Old Mom Rebooted Her Modeling Career
BY ANNA MURRAY
“Does your mother have an agent?” the creative director asked.
Eileen Ford died two years ago. “Um. Not at the moment.”
“What about travel to Paris? Is she up for it?”
I was waiting in line for chopped salads. Ninety seconds prior, I saw the overseas number and answered my cell phone. Now I was talking to a woman from my past about pitching my mother and me in a global ad campaign.
A photo essay I wrote for Vox was going viral. It was about my mom, Patsy Shally, a former world-famous fashion model.
From 1948 through 1960, my mother was the apex of commercial beauty – young, thin and exquisite. Discovered at 13, she was a top model for Eileen Ford, on the cover of practically everything. She went for screen tests with Rock Hudson and one-on-one interviews with legendary Hollywood producer Melvyn Leroy.
Mom and I recreated her most famous Vogue, Glamour, and McCall’s covers. The piece I wrote was about beauty and aging.
A particular series of photographs was drawing the most attention: our twist on my mother’s 1956 Irving Penn Vogue cover.
“The elderly shouldn’t be invisible,” Mom said. “We matter.”
It was clear from our photo shoot Mom, at 85, still “had it.”
The project hit home. We were picked up in the Daily Mail and ran in their network worldwide. We were being tweeted by Racked, by Newsweek and by the producer of Rizzoli and Isles.
People were contacting me from all nooks and crannies of my life, including Sam, a long-past acquaintance, and the current creative director for an international ad agency. She said our story resonated. The brand was thrilled. We could be big.
“I think she can probably travel,” I answered. Mom has her frail moments. But we were talking Paris.
“I’ll need whatever additional photos you have. Also traffic and social shares.”
Over the last few weeks, Mom and I had received hundreds of comments from people who said our project touched them.
Here’s what I found most surprising:
· People called us “fearless.”
· People said they cried.
· Men said the essay touched them.
· Someone suggested my mother might be the next Mrs. Donald Trump.
Mom and I had joined a great zeitgeist-y army of age-barrier-busting beauty warriors. There was Elon Musk’s mother, 68, now elbowing out Botox blondes for ad campaigns. And Vogue putting a 100-year-old on its cover for their 100th anniversary.
“It's important that all women and consumers are featured on the runway and in advertorials. Women of all ages wear clothes- why should they be left out?” said fashion designer Carrie Hammer, famous for her recent fall 2015 show called, “Role Models Not Runway Models.”
“Your recreations of your mother’s covers are a powerful message of love, courage and understanding,” said Nyna Giles, author of the upcoming book The Bridesmaid’s Daughter.
Giles was one of the most amazing out-of-the-woodwork surfacers. Her mother, Carolyn Scott, modeled with mine. Giles book recounts her mother’s career, including Barbizon roomie Grace Kelly. It will be published by St. Martin’s Press next year.
It’s important, Giles said, even at this late date, to give our mothers their names back. “They were the first super models. Today they would have been household names. But back then, only the photographers were credited.”
A modeling job in 2016 would be quite a capper to Mom’s career. What a terrific irony: My mom, who defined the mainstream ideal of youth and beauty, was challenging that very ideal in her 9th decade.
The next few weeks were ferociously busy. Sam’s team prepared the pitch and she contacted me daily for additional information—copies of comments, web stats, requests for more photographs. Dad, 88, got their passports renewed.
Mom was calm. She knew the gig, literally, despite the 56-year gap between this and her last job. She only asked, “Did they say how many days would we be working?” There would, after all, be shopping to do.
Then, a week ago, Sam said the brand in question was favoring an alternate concept her agency had pitched.
I was disappointed. Mom shrugged: That’s life in super model fast lane. Sam salved the blow by saying I would be shocked and “so proud” once I knew who actually got the job. “You won’t believe who you were up against and almost made it!”
Who could it be? I conducting a quick survey of Mom’s and my new fans—asking them to guess who won out over us.
“Lord, I hope it’s not Kim Kardashian and Caitlyn Jenner!” Howled one. That might rattle even professional Mom’s sang froid.
Here are the guesses. The leading candidates for Mom’s and my nemeses:
· Gwyneth Paltrow & Blythe Danner
· Goldie Hawn and Kate Hudson
· Isabella Rossellini and Elettra Rossellini Wiedemann
· Ellen & Betty DeGeneres
· Madonna & Lourdes Leon
· Jerry Hall & Georgia May Jagger
· Iman & Lexi Bowie
· Jada Pinkett Smith and Willow Smith
· Twiggy and Carly Lawson
· Zoe Kravitz and Lisa Bonet
· Anderson Cooper and Gloria Vanderbilt
I’m keeping watch on Ad Age to see if someone gets it right.
In the meantime, we are receiving other interesting nibbles. And Mom could really use an agent.
Anna Murray is CEO of emedia, llc., a technology consulting company, and a writer. Her essays have appeared in Vox, The Daily Mail, Soundings Review, Piker Press, Adanna, and The Guardian Witness. Her recently completed new novel is represented by David Black Agency. It features a once-famous model and her look-alike daughter. Her non-fiction title, The Complete Software Project Manager, was published in January 2016 by John Wiley & Sons. One reviewer commented, “This is a technical book that reads like a novel.”
Witchy World Roundup: June 2016
BY JOANNA C. VALENTE
From Lindy West to Casey Rocheteau, we've got it all:
'Beyond the “girl power” anthem: Beyoncé, Lana Del Rey and pop’s radical embrace of female vulnerability' by Arielle Bernstein on Salon:
"The most interesting female artists today are pushing away from “girl power” for something more interesting—vulnerability. For the past few years, two of the most interesting and different artists, Beyoncé and Lana Del Rey, have released albums that unabashedly reclaim the love story as a fertile ground for asking existential questions, not just about what it means to be a woman in the world, but also what it means to be a person."
Lindy West on why you should silence your trolls on Buzzfeed:
"Just blocking and ignoring never felt satisfying to me. It just felt so passive and it felt unfair that we were supposed to not talk about this thing that is just pervasive in our professional lives. And the justification was like, if you give them attention then they’ll keep doing it. Well, they’re not stopping anyway! They’re going to hate me no matter what I do. So either I have this sort of unsatisfying, wet-blanket, powerless feeling, or I take control of the conversation. And I’m a professional writer. I’m better at writing than them. It’s really easy to win an argument with an internet troll if you’re good with language and you’re smart.
I started doing it and I don’t know that it made a difference either way, but it was at least privileging my feelings over the troll’s feelings. Why should I not do this because it might make some dude happy? I don’t care if he’s happy or not happy. I care about myself and my mental health. And something always sat wrong with me about hundreds of people screaming at me trying to make me go away, trying to drive me out of my job and silence me. Silence never felt like the right response to that."
Mary Gaitskill was interviewed at Guernica, and she's pretty badass:
"But at a very core level, people still think that a woman who doesn’t have children or doesn’t want children is really lacking in something. I’ve seen this over and over again in my life. I’ve had this thinking used against me repeatedly. I remember I had a therapist once, and I brought this up, and she said, “Well, I think women who don’t have children feel very self-critical. They feel bad, so they think other people are critical in that way.”
Bridget Minamore on ‘Racism and misogyny explains why there are so few black women in politics' on The Pool:
"For the black female politician in the West, racism and sexism (or, as feminist scholar Moya Bailey called it, misogynoir) is a part of life. Like all women, the way we look is often disparaged, but brown skin takes any sexist mocking or criticism and adds a grimy layer of racism to it – like the icing on a particularly shitty cake."
Mallika Rao talks ‘From Nina to Lemonade, Why We’re Still So Bad at Talking About Colorism' on Slate:
"Yet even as terms like yellowface and whitewash sink into our cultural vocabulary, there remains confusion on basic matters of colorism. In a 1983 essay, the writer Alice Walker coined the word to explain “prejudicial or preferential treatment of same-race people based solely on their color.” Simply: Lighter is better. “Light blacks,” as Walker called them, fare better in white society than “black blacks,” and their skin is prized in black communities. Colorism endures because both black and white people perpetuate it."
Ella Wilks-Harper on ‘There’s a Fine Line Between Tokenism and Diversity‘ on Gal-Dem:
"Diversity and tokenism also comes when organisations employ people to enhance diversity, but then assume the skills and competencies of the individual are trapped within their identity. It becomes a problem when their identities are assumed to not be compatible with the mainstream. Within journalism, they are then only asked to write about black issues or Muslim issues, as opposed to being allowed to explore their careers and abilities in any area they feel interested in."
Joanna Sing explores race in ‘What I Have Learnt from Being (Occasionally) White-Passing‘ on Gal-Dem:
"However, this is not to say that being white-passing does not come with its own unique experiences and issues. For instance, you have the privilege of being considered “one of our own” by white people, and are treated as such, but this does also mean white people sometimes feel comfortable enough around you to air their racist beliefs. Sometimes about one of the ethnic groups you associate with; such as that of your mother."
Casey Rocheteau challenged the way the lit community is run in her amazing piece ‘Literary Juneteenth (or Why I Left The Offing)‘ on The Offing:
"In other words, despite her having the best intentions and excellent experience, I nonetheless began to ask ‘how is this magazine truly an agent for change if it seems to exploit the very population it seeks to serve?"
Seeking Submissions – Disability, Chronic Illness & Mental Health
BY ALAINA LEARY
As a disabled woman, these kinds of stories and perspectives are so important to me. I grew up thinking my existence was a burden - literally - and that I'd never be employed, that I had a higher chance of homelessness, that I couldn't make it, especially since I'm not only disabled, but also queer and middle class. I want these stories to be told. My parents were/are both mentally ill and disabled too. My mom couldn't drive, was visually impaired and stopped being able to work around the time I was born. But beyond my own family, I didn't know anyone who was disabled or ill. I didn't know it was a thing you could be and still be okay. That's why representation is so important and why I want to help publish some of those voices.
Editors Joanna C. Valente & Alaina Leary will be editing this special issue, so please submit your stories and artwork to them by August 1.