Body Ritual: Journal Prompts for Chronic Illness Exploration

BY LISA MARIE BASILE

Body Ritual is Lisa Marie Basile's column about wellness, chronic illness and finding healing and autonomy in ritual. You can follow her on Instagram for more on this topic.

If you live with a chronic illness, or if you love someone who has one, you know the delicate balancing act it requires. Living on that liminal precipice, between doing just enough and doing too much, requires an almost spiritual focus. And it’s tiring. I know, as I have ankylosing spondylitis, a degenerative, incurable spinal disease.

Who we feel we are within our minds is not always what our bodies reflect. And sometimes, that very lack of reconciliation rewires us. We start to believe we cannot, are not, will not.

We can, we are, and we will embrace the wholeness of our limitations and our magic. It doesn’t matter if people want us to stay quiet, go away, or stop complaining. We have a right to explore what it means to experience life as we do.

Stigma, lack of education, and fear make it hard to exist in a body that exists on the margins. Sometimes all the noise and suffering keeps us at a distance from ourselves. We often are so tired from the pain or insomnia or anxiety that we smile and pretend everything is okay. We sometimes allow ourselves to be taken advantage of just so we can seem “normal.” We push the limits of our bodies and lose grip on our boundaries. Sometimes, we get through the day, and that’s it. Sometimes it’s hard to feel empowered, to feel enough, to feel that we can and are and will.

The deep and important work that goes into healing the trauma of illness is often ignored. Instead, we focus on the day to day needs. We keep our heads above the water — but the secret is that we must become the sea.

I remember one of the first days many years ago when I realized that my body wasn't working the way it was supposed to. I was doing something simple, something that should've been innate. . Climbing on a bike, I thought that my hips were off, almost as if I was completely out of alignment. The best example I can give is when your car's axle is off and it continuously steers toward the left or to the right. There was no center, no feeling of steadiness, almost as if I could split in half or split into thirds and each part of me would fall to pieces in different directions. . My #AnkylosingSpondylitis (an #autoimmune or immune-mediated, incurable, degenerative spinal disease) deeply affects my hips, which is pretty ironic because I spent many years hating them for being so wide. Because society. Because magazines. Sometimes I wonder if I poured all of my negative energy into my body, making myself sick, as if I casted a spell - but I *know* that that is not the case. . Regardless, I try to treat my body with love and respect these days - I love my hips -and I try to see those situations in which I cannot do something or cannot do something comfortably, with compassion. I am always in the pool, where I feel I am larger than life, able to move fluidly with the lower impact, made stronger by water's sneaky resistance. But there are days when I want to crawl into bed and hide forever. Sometimes I win, sometimes it does. It's a process. It is my process. . Movement is integral to my life, it is ritual. It is a song. It is the ONLY thing keeping my spine from fusing; I am literally running for my life. But it can also be painful. . So sometimes I use devices and tools to make my life a little bit easier, and I wrote all about that for @healthline - check it out in my bio. https://bit.ly/2Hw5O2q

Recently I decided to go inward and empower myself to make time and space for my voice and needs as someone with chronic illness. Instead of trying to blend in or assure everyone that, “I’m fine, really,” I stared down into visit the abyss. I decided to take my time, for no reason but my own needs, and look my chronic illness in its eyes.

I cut through the noise and the stigma and the denial. My body, alight and in focus.

To do this, I made a list of chronic illness journal prompts and chose a beautiful journal strictly for these questions (or you may want to type these out or dictate your answers).

So, I wrote down several questions in my journal, and attempted to answer them. At times I answered one a day. Sometimes I answered several in one go. The important thing is that you take the time to be honest with yourself.

What I learned from answering the below questions astonished me; I was able to advocate better for my needs, recognize and make space for joy and gratitude, and find the parts of myself, like glass shards, I thought I’d lost. I didn’t lose them, it turns out. They simply changed form.

Chronic Illness Journal Prompts

• Who am I without my chronic illness?

• Who am I with my chronic illness?

• How did I change when I was diagnosed?

• How did I not change when diagnosed?

• How is my pain level today? How is my fatigue?

• Are my basic needs met? How can I facilitate this?

• What positive thing have I learned about myself while actively experiencing symptoms or side effects?

• What negative thing have I learned about myself while actively experiencing symptoms or side effects?

• What do I do during periods of remission?

• What do I do or feel when I’m in a flare-up?

• Are there any ways at all to bridge the gap between feeling good and not feeling good?

• How do others make me feel about my chronic illness?

• Who understands my illness and supports me in my experience of it?

• How can I help others understand my illness?

• What do I not feel comfortable explaining about my illness?

• Where are my boundaries?

• Where can I be more receptive or open? Is it in receiving love? Is it in talking about my needs?

• How do my finances play into my illness?

• Are there areas in which I am privileged and thus, have gratitude?

• Are there community resources or other resources I can tap into for help?

• How does my race, gender, or educational background impact my experience of chronic illness?

• How does my illness impact my job?

• How does my illness impact my social and/or sex life?

• Are there other intersecting issues that impact my chronic illness?

• What do I love about my body?

• What do I need to feel happy on a day to day basis?

• What do I need to feel sustainably happy in the long term?

• Among the things I need, which do I have?

• What are three things I am thankful for right now, in this very instance?

• If I am not happy, what is in my power to change that?

• What work — no matter how seemingly ‘small’ — can I do to advocate for or contribute the wellness of others who may be suffering? Would this feel gratifying?

• What gives me hope?

Also read:

BODY RITUAL: 12 VERY REAL THINGS I LEARNED ABOUT CHRONIC ILLNESS

BODY RITUAL: GRATITUDE MAGIC

AT THE INTERSECTION OF CHRONIC ILLNESS & RITUAL

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Lisa Marie Basile is a poet, essayist and editor living in New York City. She's the founding editor of Luna Luna Magazine, an editor at Ingram’s Little Infinite, and co-host for the podcast, AstroLushes. Most recently, she is the author of LIGHT MAGIC FOR DARK TIMES (Quarto Publishing/Fair Winds Press), a collection of practices and rituals for intentional and magical living, as well as a poetry collection, NYMPHOLEPSY . Her second book of nonfiction, WORDCRAFT, will be published by Quarto/Fair Winds Press in April 2020. It explores the use of writing as ritual and catharsis. Her essays and other work can be found in The New York Times, Chakrubs, Catapult, Narratively, Sabat Magazine, Refinery 29, Healthline, Entropy, Bust, Bustle, The Establishment, Hello Giggles, Ravishly, and more. She studied English and psychology as an undergraduate at Pace University, and received a Masters in writing from NYC’s The New School. Want to learn more? She’s been featured at Amy Poehler’s Smart Girls, HelloGiggles, The Cools, and more.

A Lippie List Inspired by Fairy Tale Films and Books

BY MONIQUE QUINTANA

Fairy tales have gorgeous aesthetics. Why not paint our mouths with them? Here’s a short list of fun fairy tale art and lippies that coordinate to their fantastical colors. 

1. Cartoons in the Suicide Forest by Leza Cantoral (Bizarro Pulp Press, 2016). A smart psychedelic and shocking punk rock doll of a short story collection.

The lippie: “Unusual” by Pretty Zombie Cosmetics

Order Cartoon’s in the Suicide Forest Here.

2. The Last Unicorn, 1982 A mythical beauty meets demon fantastical in this animated film adaptation of Peter S. Beagle novel.

The lippie: “Boy Trouble” by The Lip Bar   

3. The Tale of Tales, 2015 A trio of dark and decadent yarns inspired by the works of Giambattista Basile make up this film directed by Matteo Garrone. Starring Salma Hayek as a monster-heart-eating queen.

 The lippie: “1922- Blood Red” by Beseme Cosmetics  

4. Heavenly Creatures, 1994 Peter Jackson’s film of teenage angst, the writer’s dreamscape, and bloody matricide.

The lippie: “Paper Flowers” by Necromancy Cosmetics

4. The Lais of Marie de France, Penguin Books. A collection of narrative poems that explore the beautiful and grotesquely shape-shifting nature of love.

The lippie:  “Street Dreams” by Lipmatic

Order this book here.

Monique Quintana is a Senior Associate Editor at Luna Luna Magazine and the Fiction Editor for Five 2 One Magazine. Her work has appeared in Queen Mob's Tea House, Winter Tangerine, Huizache, and the Acentos Review, among other publications. She is a fiction fellow of the Community of Writers at Squaw Valley Workshop, an alumna of the Sundress Academy of the Arts, and has been nominated for Best of the Net. Her debut novella, Cenote City, is newly released from Clash books. You can find her at moniquequintana.com

AstroLushes: A New Podcast for Astrology Lovers Everywhere

ASTROLUSHES is a podcast at the intersection of astrology and literature, ritual, wellness, pop culture, creativity — and, of course, wine. Hosted by Luna Luna editor-in-chief Lisa Marie Basile and contributor Andi Talarico (both water signs!), you can expect guests, giveaways, book reviews, and more. You’ll have fun, but you’ll also go deep.

Episode 1 is an introductory episode during which the hosts chat about astrology’s impact in their own lives, plus they tackle the ideas of reductive astrology memes, pop culture (Rihanna lyrics!), folk magic, family lineage and trauma. They also a Rapid Fire Round of Guess That Sign (which sign is Poe?).

For now, you can listen to ASTROLUSHES on Anchor.Fm (there’s an app and also a website), but the podcast will soon be available on iTunes, Spotify, and everywhere else podcasts can be found. If you like what you hear, leave them a clap or star the show on Anchor. You can also listen below!

You can tweet them at @astrolushes.

Healer or Trickster? On Healers Taking Advantage of The Vulnerable

BY LISA MARIE BASILE

In a recent article in The Daily Dot, a popular influencer was called out for their “blurry” beliefs and work, overpriced but not actually handmade goods (as claimed) and abusive tendencies toward employees. The overarching message of the piece: Not every healer or influencer out there — no matter their follower numbers or beautiful Insta-curation — is worth their salt. Some, in fact, are downright theives. 

I’ve always taken issue with people selling promises of healing without any real sense of accountability. Grandiose and often empty words (“light and love heals everything,” “all you have to do is manifest hard enough!” and “you have to invest in X to find abundance”) are distracting to people in rough situations. These are — I have been, and will be — people who want to be seen, validated, and healed. 

I just can’t get past overpriced abundance rituals, the refusal to acknowledge the importance of shadow work, or concepts that aren’t grounded in reality. Because love and light and abundance rituals do not solve racism or poverty. And because telling people your cheap, badly-produced goods are ethically sourced hurts everyone at every level.

The thing is, it’s hard to tell the frauds from the sincere folks. I started noticing this several years ago, when I created Luna Luna (which obviously has a vertical around magic and ritual).  I’d come across healers and gurus and guides who seemed to have it all together: Beautiful photos. Money. Bestselling books. They’d sell full moon serums or crystal-infused oils. They’d sell you candles that would attract money or heal a disease or find you a lover. How could one parse the capitalist who appropriates spirituality from the person who genuinely cared? And how can one ethically tout an object that ‘cures’ social and physical/mental ills, without acknowledging the many variables at play?

I would consider myself spiritual in specific ways, but this wasn’t always the case. I identify with the archetype of the witch, and I have carved space for ritual and meditation in my life, but it took a long time for me to get there. For one, I have leftover trauma from childhood catholicism; adhering to strict beliefs and associations (this color represents this outcome, for example) doesn’t quite sit right with me. I prefer chaos. I prefer to go off my gut. I prefer to study, learn, and then take what feels good for me. My practice these days is mostly based on meditation, journaling, and connecting with nature. 

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I’ve had a few people direct me to a specific recent article about healing/spiritual/ community manipulation and emotional abuse today, asking for my opinion. I’ve been out of commission all week with two removed teeth (fucking worst), but I did take the time to read the piece. . I’ve even written one like it (with a different subject, for which I received numerous cease and desist letters) for @lunalunamag in the past. It is still up. So I’ll keep it short and sweet: there are lots of spiritual ‘gurus’ and ‘guides’ out there. Especially on Instagram. We are treated to highly curated, beautifully designed shows of magic and healing and quotes. Some of it is amazing. Some of it feels a little shady. Right? Some people swear they can save you, that they have the answers, that they can guide you to divinity or healing. Some sell products. There are as many frauds as their are people who want to support, empower, uplift, and love you, though. Sometimes there’s no way of actually knowing, though, since all of this is presented in such a magnificent manner. No one can hold all the answers. No one knows you better than you. They can provide tools and inspiration, but that’s it. Otherwise, even the gospel of the curated Instagram is still just a shady ass who-knows-what’s-real being shouted toward you in an array of pretty colors. This is the case for any industry. . Your gut is what matters. When you feel like you need support and encouragement or a little burst of inspiration, find what feels right to you. Whether that’s joining a group dedicated to ritual or reading quotes from a certain influencer. There is a dark belly to even the beautiful things—and your gut knows it. Trust your own feelings and put stock in your heart above all other promises and products. I say this because I have experienced group manipulation, promises of splendor, people trying to tell me how to get rid of my “demons” in ways that felt off to my own personal intuitions. It’s a hard, vulnerable line to walk, and it’s easy to be led astray. This is not on you. But it should be stopped. 💓

A post shared by Lisa Marie Basile (@lisamariebasile) on Feb 20, 2019 at 3:43pm PST

So when I see someone make grand promises, that you have to do this to do this, or believe this to achieve this, or buy this to get this— especially to the vulnerable: the poor, the sick, the disabled, the traumatized, the abused — it doesn’t sit right with me.

Sometimes those promises come in the form of feigned care and support, when at the bottom of it all was an Instagram strategy and some pretty words.

I don’t believe that any one person can have the answers. And I don’t believe that anyone should peddle goods to people when they don’t have the integrity to back it up.

Among those promises would be actual spiritual advice despite questionable stuff, like the not-so-ethical production of goods, plagiarism of both products and feel-good quotes, and employee mistreatment. This likely happens a lot, but all of this came up in the Daily Dot article about this one specific person.

So what do we do about it all?

I wrote a book about self-care and regenerative rituals, so I spent a lot of time thinking about this sort of thing. When writing my book I wanted to make sure it was a guidebook, not a rulebook. That any practice I wrote of wasn’t from a closed culture — and that anything referenced I cited in the Resources section.

I wanted to make sure my book was a byproduct of my experience, not a way or promise or path. That the reader would be self-healing using my prompts, that I would not — and could not — be healing them. That, if anything, the book and the reader would enter into a conversation about healing together. 

That’s the thing about healing. It has to happen in a safe space. Before I started really working to heal my lasting trauma from childhood — the obsessive memories of homeless shelters, assault as a child, family addiction, foster care, chronic illness — I found comfort in all sorts of untoward things.

This included drinking all night with friends who thought getting obliterated was the answer. I found comfort in false friendships or relationships, where people wanted to be loved more than they want mutual loving care. I turned to fraudulent psychics here and there for advice, and of course there were those who’d want to dig into my pockets rather than genuinely help. 

The point is, we take comfort and care wherever we can find it — and sometimes, because of pain, loneliness, poverty we turn a blind eye to gut feelings. I’s hard to know if it’s helping or prolonging the wound.

The Internet version of this really is the abundance of healers and guides out there. Many of them are wonderful — and many are my friends, who take special care to create products and books and ideas around self-care and healing products — but many are there for fame and fortune, not to help.

They want to preach at you, not have a conversation. They claim to know the answers, rather than admit that they’re always going to be searching. They lack self-awareness, charging big money to people who literally are seeking magic work because they’re on the verge of eviction.

It’s hard to know what sort of intentions people have. Sadly, there’s just no cut or dry answer. How could there be? I think our gut has to do the work. But for the gut to work we have to have self-compassion and give ourself the space and time to let our intuition work. This is a process — a process damaged by hope being dashed by scammers.

We could spend $45 on a healing candle from someone with 50,000 followers and a beautiful Instagram page, someone who hasn’t provided insight or vulnerability elsewhere or even a glimpse into their own real lives. Or we can buy a tarot session or a book or a crystal from someone who is less concerned with a perfect, sort of distant, who-are-you-really? branding, whose track record shows an active interest in trauma recovery or healing or helping others before they started earning money from it. And even the above is an oversimplification. 

If something doesn’t feel right, even if that something has a quarter of a million followers or is quoted in wellness articles, you are by no means obliged to look to it for wisdom.

I say all of this because I think on my own mother, my own friends, and myself — and all the times we needed a hand, a source of inspiration, a talisman of hope,  or a guide to getting back to ourselves. It would be a real shame to get a candle or a reading or a downloadable guide that came from someone who wasn’t sincerely invested in our care, who only wanted to make money, and who used unethical means to produce a product, from conception to production. 

I read a piece the other day by Kaitlin Coppock for Sphere + Sundry. It’s a comprehensive look at fraud-work in the spiritual and healing communities, and it goes into much better detail than I can. It covers:

“Tips for distinguishing real practitioners of astrology, witchcraft, and spirituality from self-serving charlatans taking advantage of the mounting witch-strology renaissance. And lastly, recommendations for how professionals (or aspiring professionals) can navigate related ethical considerations.”

I recommend reading the above and asking questions for yourself. Stay alert, be good to yourselves, and don’t let influencer numbers drown out your intuition. 

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Lisa Marie Basile is the founding creative director of Luna Luna Magazine—a digital diary of literature, magical living and idea. She is the author of "Light Magic for Dark Times," a modern collection of inspired rituals and daily healing practices. She's also the author of a few poetry collections, including 2018's "Nympholepsy." Her work encounters the intersection of ritual, wellness, chronic illness, overcoming trauma, and creativity, and she has written for The New York Times, Narratively, Sabat Magazine, Healthline, The Establishment, Refinery 29, Bust, Hello Giggles, and more. Her work can be seen in Best Small Fictions, Best American Experimental Writing, and several other anthologies. Lisa Marie earned a Masters degree in Writing from The New School and studied literature and psychology as an undergraduate at Pace University.

DIY Gift Ideas for The Magical, the Dreamy, and the Crafty

BY LISA MARIE BASILE

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🧜🏽‍♀️I made 100 magical sachets for my Light Magic for Dark Times editor to bring to a sales conference. Each and every one of these little bags were given tons of love & care, and even Ben stepped in to help when my arthritic witchy fingers got sore (lol). With moon-cleansed seashells and tiny candles and a handwritten sea spell in each bag, they aim to help its reader set an intention, make a wish or find a moment to summon healing or courage. 🧜🏼‍♀️ ps: I have a few leftover! I may actually make these available at an upcoming @lunalunamag event. #lightmagicdarktimes

A post shared by 𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖆 𝖒𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖊 𝖇𝖆𝖘𝖎𝖑𝖊 (@lisamariebasile) on Jan 28, 2018 at 8:18am PST

I have never — literally, ever — been crafty (excerpt with journaling — which I do, on a very basic level). When I stepped inside a Michael’s for the first time, I was overwhelmed. It was alien to me.

However, I was tasked with ‘making’ something when I working on my last book, Light Magic for Dark Times. My editor suggested creating something sweet and unique as a way to get people interested in my book.

Creative paralysis. A crafty person does not a writer make!

So, I watched some videos on YouTube, bought a few bits from Etsy, and began creating little spell bags. I used shells (many collected from the beach, some bought), sachet bags, dried roses and lavender, scrolls, and nautical trinkets — and I fell in love with the process. I made hundreds of these for my readers and potential book sellers. (Hint: book promotion is way, way harder than I ever thought it would be — I’ve got an article coming out about that soon).

So, if you like to make things with your hands, create your own gifts or DIY goodies rather than spend money on mass-produced items, or simply surround yourself with intentional and special objects, I’ve rounded up some of the best DIY gift-making videos I watched.

These will help you create dreamy, literary, and magical bits and bobs. Made with intention and care, these little beauties not only make beautiful home decor (or, as I said, gifts) but the process of making something can be meditative and rewarding.

Here we go: