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A Writing Spell: Honoring Your Many Selves
Mar 1, 2021
A Writing Spell: Honoring Your Many Selves
Mar 1, 2021
Mar 1, 2021
An 11-Line Poetry Spell For Healing
Mar 1, 2021
An 11-Line Poetry Spell For Healing
Mar 1, 2021
Mar 1, 2021
How To Write Powerful Poetry Spells
Feb 28, 2021
How To Write Powerful Poetry Spells
Feb 28, 2021
Feb 28, 2021
Here Is Your Scorpio Homework This Season
Oct 25, 2020
Here Is Your Scorpio Homework This Season
Oct 25, 2020
Oct 25, 2020
3 Transformative Life Lessons Scorpio Teaches Us
Oct 25, 2020
3 Transformative Life Lessons Scorpio Teaches Us
Oct 25, 2020
Oct 25, 2020
Restorative Grief: Letters To The Dead
Oct 23, 2020
Restorative Grief: Letters To The Dead
Oct 23, 2020
Oct 23, 2020
A Santa Muerte Rebirth Ritual + A Tarot Writing Practice
Oct 6, 2020
A Santa Muerte Rebirth Ritual + A Tarot Writing Practice
Oct 6, 2020
Oct 6, 2020
Witches, Here Are The New Books You Need
Nov 14, 2019
Witches, Here Are The New Books You Need
Nov 14, 2019
Nov 14, 2019
3 Dream Magic Rituals And Practices
Nov 12, 2019
3 Dream Magic Rituals And Practices
Nov 12, 2019
Nov 12, 2019
How To Use Tarot Cards for Self-Care
Nov 11, 2019
How To Use Tarot Cards for Self-Care
Nov 11, 2019
Nov 11, 2019
A Review of Caitlin Doughty's 'Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?'
Oct 25, 2019
A Review of Caitlin Doughty's 'Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?'
Oct 25, 2019
Oct 25, 2019
Nimue, The Deity, Came To Me In A Dream
Sep 17, 2019
Nimue, The Deity, Came To Me In A Dream
Sep 17, 2019
Sep 17, 2019
Astrological Shadow Work: Healing Writing Prompts
Sep 9, 2019
Astrological Shadow Work: Healing Writing Prompts
Sep 9, 2019
Sep 9, 2019
The Witches of Bushwick:  On Cult Party, Connection, and Magic
Jul 23, 2019
The Witches of Bushwick: On Cult Party, Connection, and Magic
Jul 23, 2019
Jul 23, 2019
7 Magical & Inclusive New Books Witches Must Read
May 15, 2019
7 Magical & Inclusive New Books Witches Must Read
May 15, 2019
May 15, 2019
Working Out As Magic & Ritual: A Witch's Comprehensive Guide
May 14, 2019
Working Out As Magic & Ritual: A Witch's Comprehensive Guide
May 14, 2019
May 14, 2019
Letters to the Dead: Shadow Writing for Grief & Release
Feb 8, 2019
Letters to the Dead: Shadow Writing for Grief & Release
Feb 8, 2019
Feb 8, 2019
How to Add Magic to Your Every Day Wellness Routine
Feb 5, 2019
How to Add Magic to Your Every Day Wellness Routine
Feb 5, 2019
Feb 5, 2019
Ritual: Writing Letters To Your Self — On Anais Nin, Journaling, and Healing
Jan 31, 2019
Ritual: Writing Letters To Your Self — On Anais Nin, Journaling, and Healing
Jan 31, 2019
Jan 31, 2019
How Rituals Can Help You Gain Confidence
Jan 17, 2019
How Rituals Can Help You Gain Confidence
Jan 17, 2019
Jan 17, 2019
Hearthcraft & the Magic of Everyday Objects: Reading Arin Murphy-Hiscock's 'House Witch'
Jan 14, 2019
Hearthcraft & the Magic of Everyday Objects: Reading Arin Murphy-Hiscock's 'House Witch'
Jan 14, 2019
Jan 14, 2019
True to The Earth: Cooper Wilhelm Interviews Kadmus
Nov 26, 2018
True to The Earth: Cooper Wilhelm Interviews Kadmus
Nov 26, 2018
Nov 26, 2018
Between The Veil: Letter from the Editor
Oct 31, 2018
Between The Veil: Letter from the Editor
Oct 31, 2018
Oct 31, 2018
Shadow Work with Light Magic for Dark Times
Oct 31, 2018
Shadow Work with Light Magic for Dark Times
Oct 31, 2018
Oct 31, 2018
2 Poems by Stephanie Valente
Oct 31, 2018
2 Poems by Stephanie Valente
Oct 31, 2018
Oct 31, 2018
A Poem in Photographs by Kailey Tedesco
Oct 31, 2018
A Poem in Photographs by Kailey Tedesco
Oct 31, 2018
Oct 31, 2018
Photography by Alice Teeple
Oct 31, 2018
Photography by Alice Teeple
Oct 31, 2018
Oct 31, 2018
A Simple Spell to Summon and Protect Your Personal Power
Oct 31, 2018
A Simple Spell to Summon and Protect Your Personal Power
Oct 31, 2018
Oct 31, 2018
November and Her Lovelier Sister
Oct 31, 2018
November and Her Lovelier Sister
Oct 31, 2018
Oct 31, 2018
A Spooky Story by Lydia A. Cyrus
Oct 31, 2018
A Spooky Story by Lydia A. Cyrus
Oct 31, 2018
Oct 31, 2018
Deborah Sheedy

Deborah Sheedy

Breaking the Cultural Ties That Bind Us

March 30, 2016

When I witnessed my cousin get hit by her husband my natural instinct as a young girl was to help her, because isn’t that what you do when someone is in danger? At 12 years old I witnessed a woman get beat by someone who claimed to love her. After that beating I remember Chucho picking Maggie’s limp body off the ground and forcing her upright until she stood on her own. I stood there confused as they walked away together and my family did nothing to stop them. As if getting pummeled in the middle of the street was completely normal.

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In Confession Tags Abuse, Violence, Abusive Relationships, Culture, Cultural Influence
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Dara Scully

Dara Scully

It Hurts to Become

March 28, 2016

BY STEPHANIE N. STODDARD CORTÉS

“Steph, tengo que hablar contigo,” is the godforsaken sentence that makes the world stand still, and the bird living in my chest to hide beneath its wings. An unshakable sense of guilt was accompanied by the utterance of such a sentence, and immediately made time slow enough to quickly think back to everything I had or hadn’t done since the last time I was home. Nothing rang any bells. I begged the bird to calm down. We were safe there, on that table in the middle of the mom-made breakfast I can no longer recall clearly. Dad said, “no quiero que pienses que estamos molestos contigo porque no lo estamos.”

Mom interrupts him to say he shouldn’t be talking in plural because she has nothing to do with this. I looked at him first, confused; turned my head to look at my mother questioningly, then at my sister who had gone wide-eyed across from me: it was evident they all knew what dad was talking about. The bird shivered. I put on a brave face and asked if I could please be brought up to speed. The rest happened in a blur. Between the noise, I mostly remember feeling: incredulous turned to defensive turned to scared, and finally settling somewhere between angry and sad. There was a lot of shaking involved, and even some of that uncomfortable, disbelieving laughter that tastes like you’ve just bitten your tongue. 

When I was about ten, on a morning we were about to have breakfast, I sat at the head of the table for the first time. My dad, after he came out of the bathroom, told me that that chair was meant for the “man of the house”. I was confused at first, because ten-year-old-me thought a chair was just a chair. The only special thing about it was that I could rest my lanky arms on its wooden side frames. Even then I refused to move, cross-armed and pouting: I had gotten there first, dad. I was comfy. I look back at this particular memory and feel Sarah Ahmed’s words float around ten-year-old-me slow-motion surround-sound-style. I realize now that could’ve very likely been my first unknowingly “feminist” stance. Today, when I drive home to Isabela, I sit there in a form of protest. I am very conscious of the fact that this bothers my dad on some level because he is “the man of the house” (he laughs, like he’s joking; I can’t ever tell if he is), and I am his child. His female child. To my amusement, he sits at the other end of the table in a form of protest as well: he’s still “the man of the house” if he sits in the other one, right? 

That day—the day the godforsaken “we have to talk” spilled out of my father’s worried mouth— I wasn’t sitting where I usually sit, which is both interesting and weird come to think of it. The word “vulnerable” pops into mind for whatever Freudian reason. That day, it was mom who sat there. Dad was standing, his hand on top of the other man-the-house-chair at the end of the table. He says “Mami (as in Nora, my grandma, his mom) me dijo que Beatriz (my aunt, his sister) le dijo que Denise (my other aunt, not his sister) le dijo que tu estabas jangueando con una amiga lesbiana. Beatriz me llamó bien preocupada. Yo también estoy preocupado, como tu papá”. I don’t think I have to explicitly say my father's side of the family is very passive-aggressively homophobic (and racist). Everyone has different degrees: my dad is the most intolerant, mami es más eso-esta-bien-si-es-ajeno-a-mi, Alicia me da esperanza, y a Saulo le gusta decir que no es homofóbico, but he sees it more like a threat to his masculinity though he admits not understanding why, which I appreciate because it leaves room for the willingness to do so.

 I remember I opened my mouth and what came out of it was a disbelieving “what” followed by a genuinely confused face as Titi Denise has only every seen one of my friends in passing. They didn’t even have a conversation because we were on our way to a tennis match. In the 3 minutes that I introduced them, smiles and pleasantries were exchanged. By some logic, no doubt stereotypical, Titi came to the conclusion not only that Emma was gay, but that this as she is my friend, was inherently bad bad bad.

My father thought it was important to have a conversation—a very serious conversation that is—about this rumor that was going around in my family that was tainting someone—his daughter—as gay, which he has always perceived as unnatural and somehow dirty because it reflected back onto him. Now, I realized three things while dad was talking. One: my brother had woken up and sat attentively in the computer chair across from us on the table. Two: the problem here wasn’t so much dad thought Emma was a lesbian, but that I might be her lesbian lover. This is subtext. Three: if they asked me point blank if I was into girls, I wouldn’t have been able to answer that question with an answer that both satisfied and relieved them. (Hago un paréntesis para decir que I am not coming out as anything mostly because I don’t think there’s anything to come out of, but really because I don’t know. I can’t say I am anything, not for sure. People are people. ) But they never asked that question. Dad mostly stressed that he was worried people were going to start calling me a lesbian too, which he assured me he knew I wasn’t. The bird inside my chest started to smoke. 

I clarified that Emma wasn’t a lesbian, but that it shouldn’t matter if she was. My voice, which had remained unwavering, cracked when I told them I couldn’t believe we were having this conversation. I was torn between an all-consuming anger, deep sadness, and the fact that my parents were genuinely worried about how their daughter was perceived by the rest of the family, and how this could ruin my reputation, and thus— theirs. Dad told me I should be careful with friends like this because lesbians take advantage of female friendships and they can “attack” when I least expected it.  The bird inside my chest let out a sharp noise, which I echoed in disbelieving laughter. I feel compelled to admit I don’t like to cause unhappiness. What I mean is— I will if I have to, but: I want to keep being a part of the family even if I remain unseated from the table where I thought I was safest. 

The day the godforsaken sentence was uttered, I told my family I didn’t care if people called me a lesbian. My brother rose at this, agitated: “What do you mean you don’t care?” In a split second—though it had been building since I refused to move from the-man-of-the-house chair when I was 10— I experienced what Sarah Amed was talking about: I was unseated from the table. I caused unhappiness. “No,” I told Saulo—I told all of them. “Why would I? There’s nothing wrong with who you love.” Alicia smiled at me, like a secret. The bird inside of me felt proud. Felt sad, felt betrayed. Was on fire. 

*Names have been changed.


Stephanie N. Stoddard Cortés is a 21 year old from Puerto Rico. 

Tags Spanish Language, Love, Family
1 Comment
via Favim.com

via Favim.com

7 Wonderfully Witchy Hashtags You Need to Know

March 21, 2016

I’m the first to admit it: I’m addicted to Instagram. From double-tap worthy beautiful images, to finding stunning makeup artists, poets, and breathtaking travel snaps, I’ve got my hand on the like button. 
 

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In Occult Tags occult, witch, witchcraft
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Poetry Through The Lens of The Occult: An Interview With Joanna C. Valente & Lisa Marie Basile

March 16, 2016

BY LISA MARIE BASILE

I spoke with Joanna C. Valente, our managing editor, about her book, The Gods Are Dead (Deadly Chaps Press). While we normally don't interview each other here at Luna Luna, we thought our readers would love a conversation around tarot + poetry. 

Having recently read Jessa Crispin's The Creative Tarot, and after having attended a creativity & Tarot workshop with Becca Klaver, a poet, from Brooklyn, I've been thinking a lot about how the Tarot has found its way into our creative subconscious.  

Joanna let the Tarot inspire her, too, and in her book, the text is interspersed with illustrations of each of the major arcana cards in a Tarot deck. You can read some samples here and here. Each poem: an exploration. In my conversation with Joanna, we explore her inspiration as well as the challenges of writing a book based off of the occult, a topic that I’ve always found fascinating in art.

Lisa Marie Basile: For The Gods are Dead, you write a poem associated with each of the Major Arcana cards. What is it about Tarot that you associate with poetry?

Joanna C. Valente: Tarot is all about finding your way to fulfillment—how can you become more whole, more satisfied with your inner and outer lives. Nothing in life is perfect, but the Tarot forces us to evaluate ourselves on every level—emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, materially—so that we can move forward, not backwards. Poetry does the same thing for me—writing is an act of therapy—in general, writing allows you to become more self-aware and observant of the world around you, so I thought, I love both—why not merge them?

In another way, the Tarot also lends itself well to storytelling. Each Major Arcana card is based off of an archetype; The Fool, for instance, represents all of us—The Fool is going on a journey to discover parts of him/herself, while The Empress symbolizes and harnesses stereotypical feminine power and energy. As I learned more and more about the Tarot myself, since I taught myself how to read the cards, I wanted to tell its strange, bizarre, mysterious story.

Typically, my poetry tends to air more on the narrative side—while it isn’t narrative in structure, there’s always a loose thread of a story tying a collection together for me. I enjoy creating these ambiguous, magical worlds that emulate our own. Perhaps it’s a way for me to comment on issues I see in current culture—sex and gender relations, feminism, race—in an alternate universe. It’s fantasy meets poetry.

Lisa Marie Basile: How can poets work with the occult in order to generate creativity and work? What is the benefit?

Joanna C. Valente: Poetry in itself is very ethereal—it lacks a real narrative in that there isn’t always the typical plot chart that we teach to everyone since the dawn of language. Writers and artists make art about what we don’t understand—for me especially, I’m transfixed by the magical, non-tangible world—what is it, is it real, imaginative, or something else? Ever since I can remember, as a child, my life has been touched by supernatural phenomena in subtle ways—nothing crazy or outlandish—but small things like dreaming of dead relatives, being able to anticipate certain events, feeling outside presences. I would hardly consider myself special—I think anyone can access these feelings—it’s just about how open you are to them.

By definition, occult merely means “supernatural, mystical, magical beliefs, practices, and phenomena.” Anything that takes us outside of ourselves, that makes us question our beliefs, is intrinsic to being a writer. It’s beside the point if you believe in ghosts or anything occult-related, it’s more about the thought process that goes into skepticism and spiritualism, about trying to figure out your place in the world.

Lisa Marie Basile: If you could pick one card that represents your poetry, which card would it be and why? I'm sure we've chatted about this over wine before, but in the sober light of day, I'd love to know...

Joanna C. Valente: This is so hard, because we’re always changing, and the cards represent all of stages of our change. If I had to choose, I would probably say The High Priestess. She basically represents duality—of light and dark, mediating reality vs the ether, male and female; she also bears knowledge and intuition—symbolized by the moon under her left foot. Whitman said it best when he wrote “I contain multitudes.”

We all contain dualities within us, and I fully embrace this as much as I can—within myself and my relationships and my poetry. Poetry should be anything but simple—it should be full of complication, ambiguity, and nuance, because life is. A simple conversation about the weather says so much about us alone—whether we like overcast days or bright sunny days.

Also, women are ruled by the moon every month, it’s physically within us. So you know, there’s that.

Lisa Marie Basile: So, what was the challenge in writing this book? Was it that you were held to a concept? Was it that the tarot is so defined?

Joanna C. Valente: It was difficult for two reasons, really. The style is much different than I usually write in—it can be incredibly clinical at times, with sparse emotion and an overload of detail. I felt like I had to write this way, to stay true to the cards, which presents the second challenge. The cards are very specific and detail-oriented—every color, gesture, and symbol means something, so I really had to study each precisely and decide what I was using and where I was veering away, and creating my own meaning within the poems.

It was exceptionally hard deciding when to be true to the Tarot and when to allow myself to have freedom to break away, in order to make social and political statements, as opposed to just personifying the cards. The last thing I wanted to do was write some pretty, outdates story—I always want to push myself into the grotesque, the unsettling, the hard truths.

Lisa Marie Basile: How did Ted Chevalier (the artist) approach all of the art in this book? Did he take cues from other tarot card decks, was it entirely his own storytelling? And, were the images created after the text, or before?

Joanna C. Valente: He approached with an astute eye to detail—he studied the Tarot like it was his only job—which was obviously crazy generous considering there’s no money to be made from poetry. He watched documentaries, read books, bought different decks, and really just made it his own. In particular, he loved a documentary that Alejandro Jodorowsky made, as well as the Rider-Waite (which is what I based the poems off of, since it’s the most common) and the Marseilles deck.

In terms of storytelling, he followed my lead—I wrote the poems first, then he illustrated them based on the work itself. So, like the poems, every deviation from the cards themselves was based off the poems. It was honestly luck that he already had a defined interest in the Tarot, which is why he illustrated the cards, since I had actually already written the collection prior to us ever discussing collaborating. It was a perfect meeting of the minds.

Lisa Marie Basile: You write a lot about the feminine – at least, the female condition and the experience of the body. How did all of this work its way into this?

Joanna C. Valente: As a woman, it’s hard to ignore all the ways in which woman are ignored and silenced, all the ways queer, trans, POC folks are seen as ‘other.’ I have always been fascinated by the idea of ‘otherness,’ because so many of people are seen as other, for different reasons and it’s all fucked up.

Instead of people reading the collection and saying how great and wonderful it is that I’m trying to ‘liberate’ women and women’s sexuality, or that trying to write through a feminist/female lens, I want people to realize this is not other. That being a woman is just as murky and complicated and fucked up as being any human, and that women like sex, want sex, and get abused by sex. There’s a lot of strange sex in the book, and not because I’m trying to make a shocking statement, but because if we don’t understand how women feel about sex, sexual abuse is going to keep happening, and victims are going to stay invisible. I also, of course, want to point out that fetish is different than violence, which always gets confused—and perpetuates a lot of ridiculous ideas that women say no when they mean yes. I hate that, I don’t want that to be true in another fifty years.  


Lisa Marie Basile is a NYC-based poet, editor, and writer. She’s the founding editor-in-chief of Luna Luna Magazine, and her work has appeared in Hello Giggles, The Establishment, The Gloss, Bustle, xoJane, Good Housekeeping, Redbook, and The Huffington Post, among other sites. She is the author of Apocryphal (Noctuary Press, Uni of Buffalo) and a few chapbooks. Her work as a poet and editor have been featured in Amy Poehler’s Smart Girls, The New York Daily News, Best American Poetry, and The Rumpus, among others. She currently works for Hearst Digital Media, where she edits for The Mix, their contributor network.

Joanna C. Valente is a human who lives in Brooklyn, New York. They are the author of Sirs & Madams (Aldrich Press, 2014),The Gods Are Dead (Deadly Chaps Press, 2015), Marys of the Sea (Operating System, 2017), Sexting Ghosts (Unknown Press, 2018), Xenos (Agape Editions, 2016), and the editor of A Shadow Map: Writing by Survivors of Sexual Assault (CCM, 2017). They received their MFA in writing at Sarah Lawrence College. Joanna is the founder of Yes Poetry and the managing editor for Luna Luna Magazine. Some of their writing has appeared in Brooklyn Magazine, Prelude, BUST, Spork Press, and elsewhere. Joanna also leads workshops at Brooklyn Poets. joannavalente.com / Twitter: @joannasaid / IG: joannacvalente


In Occult Tags Tarot, poetry, Art, Writing
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via Mirror.co.uk

via Mirror.co.uk

At 14, I Became Pregnant And Placed My Baby for Adoption

March 15, 2016

I was only six months into my freshman year in high school when I got knocked up. I should have been worrying about normal teenage girl shit like drama club or going to the mall to shoplift push‐up bras that didn’t fit. Instead, I was suddenly wondering how I was going to afford diapers since I wasn’t even old enough to get a job at McDonalds. I quickly learned that my family was not normal and I had to grow up fast if I was going to survive. We were poor Irish catholics and this was not the first teen pregnancy scandal in the family, my aunt had my cousin Siobhan when she was sixteen. I thought if she can make it work, so could I.

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In Confession Tags adoption, pregnancy, teens, witchcraft
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Aesthetically Divine Tarot Decks You Need In Your Life: The Tyldwick Tarot

March 11, 2016

Ask any Tarot reader, whether seasoned or neophyte, and they will tell you that the world of tarot is vast, subversive, and built upon a largely limitless terrain. The tarot deck itself is a finely crafted tool, with seventy-eight individual cards designed to signify the entire spectrum of human experience, from the beginning of our journey on this earth to the end. 

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In Occult Tags tarot, The Tyldwick Tarot
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American Horror Story: Asylum

American Horror Story: Asylum

Understanding Our Relationship With Haunted Spaces, Abandoned Asylums & Ugly History

March 10, 2016

It’s an ugly truth, but we enjoy visiting places where people have suffered or where horrible things have happened. There is something about a place with a bad reputation that sucks us in, crowds our imaginations, and almost energizes us. For me, Letchworth was that place. 

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In Confession, Occult Tags Letchworth Village, Paranormal, Ghosts, Asylums
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Nora Scholz

Nora Scholz

Luna Luna Love & Lust: My First Vibrator

March 7, 2016

Dear Lynsey G,

I wonder if you'd be able to answer a question for me. I am looking to purchase my first vibrator and was thinking of obtaining one of the various brands of rabbit type toy. I recently read an article of yours from Luna Luna and found myself wondering if I should take the plunge, so to speak, and finally purchase one. I have never really needed one in the past, as I have been able to see to my needs (by myself or with a partner) satisfactorily without. However, reading all the hype and reviews, I find myself curious but skeptical. Reviews like, "intense orgasm within seconds" and such leave me wondering if all the hype is accurate, or marketing. Is it worth spending the money? By never having tried these types of toys, am I missing out?

Love, Curious but Skeptical

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In Sex Tags Lynsey G., Sex, Love, Lust, Vibrator, Vibrators
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Anna Marcell

Anna Marcell

What I’ve Learned from Dating Women Who Have Been Raped

March 3, 2016

In the way you would tense your muscles to hold your bones as the train comes towards you, you tried to keep her inside the devout armor of you. But she had her own. You are just as woman and susceptible, anyway.

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In Confession Tags rape, sexual assault, women, feminism
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Challenging the Narrative of OCD As A Rich White Person's Mental Illness

March 2, 2016

BY PHOEBE RUSCH

I’ve been on my OCD medication for almost six years. Without Luvox, I’d be bombarded by mental images of having sex with you, your parents, my parents, a seventy-five year old lady at the grocery store, pre-school children and some one’s pet dog. Un-medicated, my mind becomes an absurd, pornographic hell. The images cause a sensation of existential dread, like a churning in the gut from drinking too much coffee, not pleasure. Still, the physiological experience of fight or flight is sexual excitement’s twin.

Male participants in a 1974 study rated their female cohorts as more desirable after walking across a rickety rope bridge, misattributing their own shortness of breath and racing heartbeats to attraction. Even without intrusive thoughts and compulsive ruminating, discerning our true feelings can be difficult. OCD seeks absolute certainty, rears up when faced by conundrums like human sexuality; when the two become entangled, as they did in my case, it’s monstrously painful and confusing.

We all have bizarre, disquieting thoughts sometimes. What kind of person has such sick, evil thoughts,we may ask ourselves. If you, like me, have OCD, your mind will begin to imitate an oil derrick, relentlessly mining itself for answers. Instead of dismissing disturbing thoughts, you will become convinced that they reflect the fundamental truth about you. The conviction that you are in fact a sick, evil person will only further lodge whatever mental flotsam you desperately want to wash away. Too terrified and ashamed to ask anyone for help, you will probably, understandably, become suicidal.

When I’m on OCD medication, I don’t feel harassed by my own mind. Even if it’s a bad day, I’m able to laugh at the intrusive thoughts, to recognize them for what they are, which strips away their power. Cognitive behavioral therapy has provided me with excellent training in this regard. Still, without Luvox the volume turns up and my head once more becomes a weird, terrifying place to be. I can’t live that way. It’s not a life, really. If Luvox is the easy way out, I’m happy taking it. If I’m a pill-popper, so be it. No amount of ruminative talk therapy is going to calm my hyperactive amygdala; analyzing someone’s childhood won’t cure their diabetes.

Even as Americans turn to SSRIs at unprecedented rates (the CDC estimates that antidepressant prescription increased 400% between 1988 and 2008), this supposed “quick fix” remains stigmatized, suggesting a level of cultural shame. New York Times columnist Diana Spechler has chronicled “breaking up” with her anxiety medication, citing concerns about the pharmaceutical industry and long-term side-effects. In her XOJane essay It’s Fine If Other People Want to Come Off Their Psychiatric Drugs, But I Am Never, Ever Quitting My Meds, LGBT mental health advocate Teresa Theophano argues that while she respects Spechler’s decision, natural remedies don’t work for everyone and reinforcing the idea that mental illness can be overcome by strength of will is dangerous.

In my case the biomedical model really does fit. Aside from my OCD, I’ve led a fairly charmed life. I used to feel embarrassed for fitting the stereotype of someone on SSRIs: white, navel-gazing, suburbanite. With no real problems, the privileged invent problems or Americans have taken to medicating away their problems instead of facing them head on: these narratives trivialize pain, shaming those lucky enough to be able to afford the thing that might very well keep them alive. They also pivot on the assumption that anxiety disorders and depression are a form of pain only rich white Westerners experience.

The converse of the myth that mental illness is a first world luxury, invented out of the boredom of lacking nothing, is the myth that poor people, especially poor people of color in non-Western countries, are simple and happy, facilitating the revelations of voluntourists: I learned so much from the way they’re able to be so joyful, even though they have nothing! Or, as is often said of Haiti, a country ravaged by natural disaster, political corruption and foreign intervention, I’m amazed by their resilience in the face of so much suffering. This supposed compliment dehumanizes Haitians, denying them vulnerability, conflating survival with an infinite capacity to endure pain.

The same line of thinking that shames privileged people suffering from mental illness renders marginalized sufferers invisible. Articles that treat the subject of mental health outside the U.S. and Western Europe tend to focus on the lingering trauma of war and natural disaster, the daily grind of poverty, but not less sensational issues like familial strife, domestic abuse or chemical imbalance that people may also lack the framework to talk about. When I shared my story with a college friend from Madagascar, he told me that if I was Malagasy my family would probably take me to an exorcist.

Conventional wisdom holds that OCD is a first-world malady, a product of Western individualism and atomization; searching for studies on OCD in the non-Western world turns up very little. But I’m willing to bet that this vacuum is due to scarce resources and cultural taboos which prevent self-reporting. The human mind is not somehow stranger and more complex, more prone to malady, in some parts of the world or in some demographics than others.

My (excellent, effective) OCD therapy cost $125 per session after insurance. The specialist I consulted also offered group therapy sessions for those who couldn’t afford to see her individually. Several participants were black and from the South side of Chicago, where racist federal housing policy denied people of color the ability to build equity for the next generation.

While these group members knew that they had OCD, that they weren’t really going to burn down their house or get AIDs from a public restroom, didn’t actually want to push people off train platforms or molest their daughter or stab their husband with a butcher knife, that didn’t stop their obsessions or help them resist the momentary comfort of giving into the compulsions that soothed their fears, routines so exhaustively time-consuming it often became impossible to hold down a job. Imagine checking, for hours at an end, to make absolutely sure you haven’t run over anyone with your car or poisoned your aging mother’s food. Then add to that the stress of dealing with institutionalized racism, which increases one’s chances of hypertension, compromises the immune system and can cause ulcers.

Unfortunately, Luvox, which allowed me to stop running on the endless hamster wheel in my mind and begin functioning, can cost hundreds of dollars per bottle without decent insurance. Instead of perpetuating narratives which frame mental illness as privileged white self-indulgence--narratives premised on an understanding of mental illness as a purely social phenomena rather than a biological one--we should fight for everyone’s access to psycho-pharmaceuticals. Instead of simply dismissing pharmaceutical companies as evil, we should demand transparency and equitable pricing, not only in America but across the globe.

Taking medication for psychological ailments is not a weakness or a character flaw. No one should be judged for being proactive about their health.


Phoebe Rusch is a fellow in fiction at the University of Michigan. You can read about her here or on her blog. Her work is also forthcoming on Bust Magazine's website.

In Confession Tags psychology, Racism, OCD, Mental Health
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via Pigeons and Planes

via Pigeons and Planes

I Treat My Dates As My Therapist

February 29, 2016

For every twenty-something girl who has had to shoo away stray cats as they purred for a new home, dating apps are a familiar territory. We have the catch phrases locked and loaded. The cute pics that escalate from adorable to "WHOA who’s that hottie." We all know crafting the perfect profile is the real life "Game of Thrones"—either you win or you die. Of course, dying here is missing out on the one, and suddenly adopting 10 hairless cats while watching a Lifetime movie marathon. Why hairless? Well you tried the regular, but, honey, your allergies.

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In Confession Tags love, relationships, online dating
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via Potter Dursley Tumblr

via Potter Dursley Tumblr

How to Authentically & Honestly Create a Personal Altar

February 24, 2016

In a moment of love, I braided my hair and asked my friend to cut straight across the top of it, wrapping the top and bottom with elastics to secure the hairs. When I gave it to my boyfriend at the time, he showed me a space in his closet where he had a platform with a variety of memorabilia on it: in the center he had a headless Aztec warrior statuette, which was framed with a photo of Barry Bonds, an engraved family ring, snake skin, a god’s eye, and a letter from his mom, among other rocks and crystals. On top of the hands that the statuette had raised, he placed the lock of my hair. “It’s for luck,” he said.

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In Occult Tags spirituality, altar, occult
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via Pinterest

via Pinterest

This Is What I've Learned About Myself After My Marriage Ended

February 23, 2016

When I was in seventh grade, my best friend broke up with me. We had not been romantically involved, but that made it all the more painful. Wanting to make out with someone else, see your school jacket on a new back, slow dance with someone else to Warrant at the rec center dance...I could understand all of those things. My best friend deciding that she no longer wanted to be my best friend, that she was on the lookout for a new, better best friend, well...that baffled me entirely. 

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In Confession Tags sex, love, relationships, friends
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Aela Labbe

Aela Labbe

When A Broken Child Can Still Become A Whole Adult

February 23, 2016

It was raining and I was sitting in the backseat of my mother’s grey Buick, watching the water cascade down the window like someone else’s sorrow splayed for me to notice. Already, I understood isolation and the pain that comes with not belonging, and the understanding that comes when others see you as a monster, a thing, a weirdness in the world. I was five-years-old, waiting for my sister to rush into our car excitedly from school. I begrudgingly went to nursery school, crying every morning. If you asked me why I feared other children so much, I could not tell you. I still cannot.

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In Confession Tags confessions, growing up, kids
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via Wikipedia

via Wikipedia

I'm in a Polyamorous Relationship. This Is What It's Like

February 22, 2016

When I started dating my partner, we were both dating other people. And no, we weren’t cheating. We were, and still are, polyamorous.
 

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In Confession Tags confessions, relationships, love, sex, polyamory
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