BY LYNSEY G
Dear Lynsey G,
I wonder if you'd be able to answer a question for me. I am looking to purchase my first vibrator and was thinking of obtaining one of the various brands of rabbit type toy. I recently read an article of yours from Luna Luna and found myself wondering if I should take the plunge, so to speak, and finally purchase one. I have never really needed one in the past, as I have been able to see to my needs (by myself or with a partner) satisfactorily without. However, reading all the hype and reviews, I find myself curious but skeptical. Reviews like, "intense orgasm within seconds" and such leave me wondering if all the hype is accurate, or marketing. Is it worth spending the money? By never having tried these types of toys, am I missing out?
Love, Curious but Skeptical
Hello, Curious but Skeptical!
I LOVE your question, CBS! We get told so often that vibrators are our best friends, but the truth is that vibrators aren’t the best toy for every single body out there. It’s good to be skeptical! But it’s also good to have fun with whichever body you have, and there are lots of toys out there to help with that. So, let’s talk about them!
We are so, so lucky to live in a time when sex toys are experiencing kind of a renaissance. A sexy enlightenment, if you will. There are more companies starting all the time, releasing more products at every turn, cooking up creative new ways to make every body feel fantastic! You have a huge variety of "adult novelties," as they like to say, to choose from. So vast is the pool of pleasure products that it can get a little overwhelming. So let’s start with the easy stuff.
You said that you’ve never needed a toy before because you’ve been able to meet your needs alone or with a partner. This is a good start! It means that you know what your body likes already. So ask yourself what kind of stimulation you enjoy most, and find a toy that will give it to you. (Note: I’m going on the understanding that you’re a female-bodied person, so please bear in mind that I’ll be talking about toys that are mostly meant for those kinds of people. However, most sex toys can be used by people with almost any body type—and a little imagination!)
Maybe you’re a clit stimulation person—many of us are—and you want a vibrator to deliver an external orgasm. In this case, there are a wide variety of vibes made for this purpose, from the small but mighty Lelo Lily to the smart and adorable Minna Limon to the widely acclaimed (but massive) Magic Wand. Vibrators range in power from a light tickle to a really hardcore vibration that will rock your world (Magic Wand, *cough cough*), so you should take into consideration how sensitive you are in the clit area before purchasing anything. If you’re extremely sensitive and like a lighter touch, you might want to aim for something with a lot of speed levels that you can work your way up to.
If you want to pair your clitoral stimulation up with penetration, à la rabbit prototype, as you said, you’ve also got a hah-yuge selection to choose from. So, ask yourself if you’re a G-spot kind of person or not. Are you looking for something that will hit that one spot (look for a G-spot specific toy), or something that’s a bit more all-purpose (look for a shape you like among the many dildo vibes). There are a few toys that combine circumference (for a fuller feeling) with G-spot stimulation—look for anything that rotates or curves or otherwise moves inside you on its own. The rabbit is a perfect example of this.
Of course, there is a veritable ocean of non-vibrating dildos to choose from, too. I’m focusing on vibrating toys, though, since that’s what you asked about. But by all means, take a dip into the Dildo Sea, too!
Are you into butt stuff? There is a variety of butt plugs that also vibrate, so you could use them for either clitoral stimulation or butt play—but do not put it in your butt and then return it to your clit without washing it do you hear me?!
Anyway, basically, the point is: you know what you like, so do targeted searches for those kinds of things. If you have a feminist toy store near you (a Babeland, Pleasure Chest, Good Vibes, or even an Adam & Eve), visit it and ask specifically for what you want. They’ll be happy to help! If not, head to one of the above company’s websites and search for it yourself. Read reviews on feminist websites like Hey Epiphora, Slutty Girl Problems, and Oh Joy Sex Toy! Heck, there are even reviews on Amazon for most vibes, but, meh. Amazon.
Always check to see if the product you’re interested in is safe for your body. Jelly dongs and low-grade plastic crap are so over. Those suckers can leach nasty chemicals into your delicate mucous membranes, and we do not want that! Instead, you want to find phthalate-free, nonporous toys made from finished glass, non-toxic metal, or body-safe or medical-grade silicone. Fortunately, more and more companies are getting on board with body-safe materials these days, so the selection is pretty big!
One factor to keep in mind is that sex toys, especially the nice ones, can be pricey. I don’t know what your budget is like, but I do know that most of us can’t just go around buying the latest luxury Jimmy Jane vibe whenever we feel like it. Since you’ve never used a vibrator before, if you’re interested in a toy that vibrates, my advice would be to purchase a cheap (but body-safe!) one first, to try it out. Just a little bullet vibe or one of those cute little rubber duckie ones should suffice. The thing is—like you so skeptically pointed out—vibrators aren’t always the greatest thing for all of us. Not every person gets off in seconds from vibrations. So you don’t want to go buying some luxury item only to find out that your body isn’t into it.
If you enjoy your cute little device, then spend some time shopping for a nicer one that you’ll love and care for and cherish for a long time, and get down to business!
-Lynsey
Lynsey G. is a writerly type with an interest in sex, feminism, pornography, and paisley print. Her work across multiple genres has appeared in Bitch Magazine, Refinery 29, Nerve.com, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, xoJane, the Doctor T. J. Eckleburg Review, Menacing Hedge, and elsewhere . The winner of a 2013 Feminist Porn Award for her documentary film "Consent: Society" and an avid defender of the Oxford comma, she's currently blogging at LynseyG.com and working on a graphic novel, a poetry chapbook, and a memoir of her time as a reporter for the adult entertainment industry (forthcoming from Overlook Press).