BY DEMELZA FOX
I've been thinking a lot this year about how truly terrifying it is to get what we want.
It's so counter intuitive - we think that when we finally meet the partner of our dreams we will surrender completely into joy and happiness and dreams of honeymoons in Bali and smug weekends eating breakfast in bed. We think when that opportunity to take your dream job pops up you’ll sashay right in there, confident and cool, and ride off into the sunset with your unleveled pay check and the delicious feeling of fulfillment.
You know. That happily ever after.
Whereas what actually happens when these possibilities actually happen is that a big part of you goes "OH SH*T” and has a freak out and starts stubbornly sabotaging and undermining your new found happy ending.
What the hell, right?
It’s that resistance. It’s all those reasons and niggling thoughts your sneaky brain comes up with to try and convince you that it's not possible. It’s all those little dramas you create when you get fixated on a tiny reason why this situation actually isn’t 100% perfect and gives us handy excuses to push away what we truly desire.
Actually getting what we want means that we have to deal with the niggling voice that says we don't deserve it…
… because to receive what we want we actually have open to RECEIVE it…
... which is hard because at the root of all our inner smack talk is that persistent little belief that we are not good enough.
It's universal. I'm willing to bet good money that we all have that little demon inside us, telling us we can’t, that it’s not safe, that only special people get the partner/house/job/bikini body.
Nothing makes us face those inner demons more than getting what we want.
People have described this phenomenon in a bunch of ways. Most famously, Gay Hendricks talks about it in his book called The Big Leap, and he calls it an upper limiting problem. Me? This didn’t make sense until a witch told me about it in witch terms. I didn’t really get it until a few years of really studying the results of my spell workings to see what was happening.
How does this link in with magic and spell craft?
Spell craft is the art of affecting change in the world through magical means - casting your will out to influence reality, declaring what you want to happen and energetically opening the pathways to making it so.
It’s daring, it’s brave, it’s feminist, and it works.
And this upper-limiting thing is totally a part of the process for folks who work magic.
After years of being a witch, I think I’m finally beginning to understand how spells work. (I’m a slow learner.)
Part of the reason it works is because after claiming your desire in the format of a spell, the universe both sets about bringing it to you AND invokes challenges to get you to overcome your blocks to receiving. If you play the game, if you work through these challenges and defeat the demons, you get what you want. If you freak out and hide, that magic stalls.
Part of the process of getting what you want is the growth and processing of old beliefs and limitations.
See, the brain, like most people, likes what it knows, and gets uncomfortable if it’s in an unfamiliar situation - even if that unfamiliar situation is super freaking awesome.
This is exactly like my housemate’s dog, Finn. He’s an anxious little dude, we can’t quite understand it. Even if he is taken to the bestest dog park in the world, with lots of new friends and rabbit holes and tennis balls, he will still freak out for five minutes (especially if the people throwing the tennis balls have beards) and bark at everything because it’s not familiar, and Finn, funny little puppy that he is, loves rules and boundaries and familiarity.
He will ease up after a bit - the lure of tennis will always overcome him - but really, his dream day is for all his people to be in one room he knows really well and for no-one to leave.
For this reason, I see spell craft as a powerful tool for spiritual growth and self development. Through getting what we want, we grow and change. I mean, I guess we could change through not getting what we want, but how many opportunities for growth and inner alchemic transformation does not getting what you want actually bring you? Not a whole bunch. Desire is fire, a catalyst, an initiator. It’s fast. And it changes everything it touches. Better to ride the flames than try to snuff them out.
Through saying in ritual "I want this," we are knowing ourselves by honoring our desires, and initiating a profound journey of growth as we dare to make it happen.
Who do you have to become to get this?
What has to transform in order for this to come about?
What do you need to let go of in order to receive your desires?
I think that's the thing people don't get about magic. It's not a case of you cast a spell, the thing you desire (an iPhone, a sweet rental property, Jason Momoa) is just brought to you like a fed ex delivery while you get to stay exactly the same you, no effort, no change.
You cast a spell, and it catalyses a change in YOU. To get what you want, YOU have to change, to become the one who can receive what she wants, who has invoked the power to eliminate those internal obstacles preventing you from receiving that which you desire.
This is what I believe Dion Fortune was getting at when she said, Magic is the art of changing consciousness at will - you are changing yourself and your consciousness in order to affect outside change and transformation.
Magic helps that process, opens the doors for transformation and gives you signs that point you towards what you need to do to get there - but you still have to walk through those doors and make those changes. You have to participate. Magic ain’t gonna dance on it’s own. It likes to have a partner.
Really, a spell is like a big poke in the side of the universe saying, “I am ready to be transformed, please. Bring it.”
So if you are a witch frustrated by the fact that your spells aren’t working, all you gotta do is play the game.
If you asked the universe to bring you your ideal partner and now you are freaking out about how your partner is too hot/talks about Instagram too much/worrying he won’t accept your witchy ways, it’s OK. You are doing so great. This is part of the process.
If you asked the universe to bring you a whole bunch of money and then found yourself taking on a load more responsibility at work and are freaking out about how much more work that dream job will be and how you won’t be able to cope…. it’s OK. You are doing so great. This is part of the process.
If you are a witch who cast a spell to get something dear to your heart, but all you feel are shitty feelings of why you can’t have it and nothing is working… the universe is pointing you towards the things you have to work with and process before you can receive your delicious desires. It’s OK! You are doing so great, so great to notice this. This is part of the process.
It’s all a part of the magic.
It’s not as easy as a Fed-Ex delivery, that’s for sure.
But the bonus effects of profound transformation are well worth it.
Demelza Fox is a modern day mermaid, international dancer, Venusian Devotee and a Priestess of Morgan le Fey. By day, she runs Rockstar Priestess, a priestess- and goddess spirituality website and community for wild witches and mystic mermaids, and by night she lights up stages across the land as a magnetic dancer and award winning burlesque seductress. Demelza runs the Morgan le Fey Mystery School, dedicated to teaching the ways and secrets of Morgan le Fey through online courses, priestess trainings and retreats in the heart of the landscape of Avalon in Glastonbury UK. www.priestesstraining.com