BY JOANNA C. VALENTE
Basically, which Dave Vanian and Captain are you? Or, you know, which songs should you be listening to right now? (Well, all of them, but here's a few.)
LEO
You're loud, proud, and love to be the center of attention. So this choice shouldn't surprise you--because it's all about you--and who you want to be the loud "Neat Neat Neat."
VIRGO
Virgos are extremely organized and pragmatic, sometimes to a point where they hide their emotions, which is why you are "I Just Can't Be Happy Today."
LIBRA
Libras are social, gentle, diplomatic people--you are the person others confide in, because they feel comfortable around you. You are "New Rose."
SCORPIO
Scorpios always get a bad rap for being the "crazy" sign, but it's more that they are intense--and crave intimacy. You are "Eloise."
SAGITTARIUS
The centaur is vivacious, open-minded and hearted, Sags are also philosophers and creative types, which is why you are "Love Song."
CAPRICORN
Capricorns are often planners--they seek stability and comfort, sometimes at the risk of going the safe route, which is why you are "See Her Tonite."
AQUARIUS
You're definitely an independent person--one full of unique ideas--and you often are free-spirited and wild, so you are "Anti-Pope."
PISCES
Pisces are all about their connections with other people--they love the comfort of others, and can trust pretty easily. You are "Melody Lee."
Aries
You're outgoing, bubbly, and often passionate about what you want. You are "Smash It Up."
TAURUS
You can be a bit stubborn and afraid to show your emotions, since you often strive to be levelheaded and pragmatic. You are "Jet Boy Jet Girl."
GEMINI
You feel your emotions very intensely--some say you're moody because you often change your mind or seem indecisive. You are "Nasty."
CANCER
You're the creative type, and usually silently moody and introspective. You are "Shadow of Love."
Joanna C. Valente is a human who lives in Brooklyn, New York, and is the author of Sirs & Madams (Aldrich Press, 2014), The Gods Are Dead (Deadly Chaps Press, 2015), Marys of the Sea (The Operating System, 2017), Xenos (Agape Editions, 2016) and the editor of A Shadow Map: An Anthology by Survivors of Sexual Assault (CCM, 2017). Joanna received a MFA in writing at Sarah Lawrence College, and is also the founder of Yes, Poetry, a managing editor for Luna Luna Magazine and CCM, as well as an instructor at Brooklyn Poets. Some of their writing has appeared, or is forthcoming, in Brooklyn Magazine, Prelude, Apogee, Spork, The Feminist Wire, BUST, and elsewhere.