BY ADRIAN ERNESTO CEPEDA
It’s then I ask you, mama, my mother, my heart, my mother, my heart, my mother, mama, the sadness I feel. Where do I put it?
Where, mama?
— Elena Poniatowska, from “La Flor de Lis,” published c. January 2011
¿Dónde pongo mi tristeza?
Where do I put all
my sadness, Mami?
You used to soothingly
say, telling me to cálmese—
and I would exhale
my attack de pánico would
slowly subside but now
that you’ve dissolved into
the most holy and beautiful
of spirits, where can
my anxiety go? There’s
no one left to tell me where
to place all the fear, you
left me to face la tormenta
while drowning a dentro
inside all this miedo that comes
like waves olas de hurricane.
No stopping these second
thought winds, forecasting
my next inner storm, I miss
reaching out teléfono dial
you and your voice would
calm la tempestad hurling
within, now I imagine
your calming laugher like
overcast sunshine above
wanting to appear brillante
while I stand in darkness
sombra overshadowing me
I remember all you told me
and sometimes I listen
to your most soulful voz
speaking to me en me mente,
I need to find a place to put
all this tension, I just
miss the goddess rays
when your voice would
arrive and I could flow
inside and absorb
the turbulent downpours
mis ojos tears loves to flood
way past the days you would
quiet the rain, though mis ojos
still wet, peaking from inside
Pasolini was right, it’s not
That the dead do not speak,
it’s that we forgot how to hear
them. With eyes open, now
I listen close and I feel her
sol like su voz, no longer
overcast, lo oigo glowing
clearly speaking distante near.
Sin Ti
“If we’re caught in a wave, I will carry you over”
— Martijn Gerard Garritsen
I was sailing solo
without a paddle,
barco, raft or velero
the current was so hueco
so much oceano vast
on high tide, nowhere
to seconder, from
surges coming desde
adentro sunburnt mi cuerpo
all pruned without
your presence, I looked
to you my compass,
holding your crystal
remains with sunlight
but now there’s just
sky, glowing through
your glass radiating
so many preguntas
all the answers never
could subside, sin ti—
in the middle of this
tidal, aprendi to swim
solo, what helped reach
my island of mine mismo
forget el machismo,
wrote letters I finally
unbottled from inside,
I watch them sailing
from each wave reaching
up to el cielo, you taught
me to see hasta mañana
instead good bye, although
you are a flame cremated
I am no longer afraid to
reach beyond mi miedo
every morning we connect
on this sea, I listen
for your guia, siempre
me llevas with every
wave, on this tide
high, cada manana, I
greet you hola, no mas
shivering, can you feel
me glimmering—
solo sailing, con ti
presencia ola braves this
marinero poético,
not just found mi fuerza
I discovered my own
inner fresca—and now
I am no longer terrified.
Adrian Ernesto Cepeda is the author of Flashes & Verses… Becoming Attractions from Unsolicited Press, Between the Spine from Picture Show Press and La Belle Ajar & We Are the Ones Possessed from CLASH Books. His poetry has been featured in Harvard Palabritas, Glass Poetry: Poets Resist, The Fem, poeticdiversity, Rigorous, HOLYFLEA Lit and Olney Magazine, Adrian is an Angelino Poet who lives with his wife and their adorably spoiled cat Woody Gold in Los Angeles.